Rediscovering Confidence
Turnout, more. Plié, deeper. Kick, higher. Higher. Higher.
As dancers, we are familiar with endless demands. Technique. Precision. Style.
It usually feels like it doesn’t matter how strong the effort we make is, our performance will never be enough–thus leading to various reactions. As a drama lover, I found my depressed self questioning my career choice and my eventual future in the industry more than once. Actually, I can’t even remember how many times I cried “I’d rather find an alternative job” after a class or an audition that didn’t go the way I expected it to.
Doubting my talent and skills, I couldn’t help wondering what was the point in killing myself in front of a mirror every single day if it was impossible not just to reach–but to get even closer to my idea of perfection. And suddenly what I loved the most on earth turned to be the cause of my anxiety and suffering.
As I grew older and more aware, I realized that perfection isn’t just overrated–it was actually killing my career. Like it or not, we are not “dancing machines” but marvelous, imperfect human beings instead. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work hard, though. It’s rather about shifting our focus from PERFECTION to PROGRESS. In our journey toward the best version of ourselves, we should acknowledge every little step forward we make. It’s a marathon after all, not a sprint.
Here comes the hardest part–how? How do we accept our defects and this never-ending feeling that “I can do better?” Balance is key. In our endless striving towards achieving our goals, we should try to focus on the tiny progress we make rather than just the negative aspects.
Here’s an exercise I tried myself. Before a class, just take a moment to lie down–or whatever position feels comfortable. Take deep breaths and just let your stream of thoughts flow. Eventually, you will realize that the judgmental voice in your head makes itself heard. “You ate too much last night. Look at your belly.” “It took so long for you to get that last combo.” “Why are you surprised you didn’t get that job? You’re not as pretty and as talented as the other dancers in the room.” The first thing to do is to be aware that this voice is inside our head. Not try to push it away, just realize that it’s there–and how often it is. We don’t simply judge ourselves, but others as well. As the class goes on, notice how often it comes up. Notice how detrimental it can be performance wise; as soon as you make a mistake, you’ll begin this judgemental process and eventually spoil the whole thing.
Awareness is the first step in gaining confidence. Embrace your imperfection. Make mistakes. BIG ones, but never ever be unkind to you because of this. Accept the fact that you cannot be the best in everything, and will probably never be the best in any room. You’re YOU. And you’re beautiful, with all of your qualities that come together to give colour to that wonderful painting that is your artistry and your personality. Always work hard–as hard as you can, in order to achieve the best dance as possible, and trust the process. We are so blessed by this gorgeous art form, and we should always maintain and protect the joy of doing it. It’s totally worth it.
