Is Your Inner Critic Getting in Your Way?
It's coming up to the end of act two and your body and vocal chords are exhausted. As you reach the climax of your big solo, you hit a bum note. It's been an otherwise fantastic performance, but that one mistake sends you into a shame spiral.
"That note was awful. You don't deserve to be on a West End stage."
"If you would just train harder, you wouldn't be making mistakes like this."
"The director will hear this and fire you."
Sound familiar?
These harsh self-critical thoughts are so common to performers that you probably don't see them as a big deal. But research suggests that being overly self-critical is more harmful than you may think.
It Starts in Training
One of the reasons performers have such harsh inner critics is because this is what we have become used to while training.
Many of our well-meaning teachers constantly pointed out what we were doing wrong, while ignoring what we were doing right. Others resulted to insulting and using shame tactics on students, with the intention of teaching us to push ourselves harder and become mentally tougher.
But the truth is, students who are trained this way enter the professional world and continue speaking to themselves in much the same way, resulting in them becoming stressed, overwhelmed and burnt out.
The Problem with Harsh Self-Criticism
There's a misconception in our industry that in order to be successful, we must be overly self-critical. We feel as though it makes us tougher, stronger, and more resilient.
But research shows that having a harsh inner critic has the opposite effect. In fact, speaking to yourself in an overly negative way makes you less likely to achieve success.
What makes it worse is that people who are overly critical tend to crumble if they don't meet their goals. They procrastinate if something is outside of their comfort zone, and they are less likely to take care of their needs when things don't go their way. They are also more likely to give up when the going gets tough, and less likely to see opportunities that are right in front of them.
So what is the better approach to self talk?
The Antidote is Self-Compassion
Another misconception in our industry is that self-compassion makes you weak or soft. We tend to think that being self-compassionate will stop us from achieving our goals.
But research shows that people who practice self-compassion are just as motivated as those who are self-critical, but are actually more successful.
The difference is that self-compassionate people don't crumble if they don't meet their goals, and they don't lose their motivation or drive as a result.
Self-compassion isn't about lying to yourself. It's about acknowledging that you are a human being who makes mistakes. With self-compassion, you can face your mistakes head-on, and pivot when you experience a setback.
Being self-compassionate sharpens your edge. It helps you care for yourself when times are tough, which is when you need it the most.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
Understanding self-compassion is one thing. But putting it into practice can be difficult in the beginning, especially if you've become used to speaking to yourself unkindly.
Here are is an exercise to help you get started:
First, think about a time when a close friend felt really bad about themselves. How did you respond to your friend in this situation? Write down what you did, what you said, and note the tone in which you spoke to your friend.
Now think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently? Write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you’re suffering.
Practice Makes Permanent
Practicing self-compassion isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it. The more you consciously speak kindly to yourself, the more you will see your strength and resilience in this industry grow.
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