4 Powerful Tips for Performers Who Think They Have Something to Prove
“I’m scared of failing.”
This is one of the most common fears I hear from clients. When I get to the root of this fear, I discover that it often comes from the need to prove themselves–this unspoken need to show that all their training, sacrificing, and hard work wasn’t all for nothing. They somehow believe that if they don’t book that musical, play, or film, everyone around them will judge, mock, and make them feel like their hard work didn’t pay off. Here are 4 powerful reminders to ground you when those feelings of insecurity start to creep in.
Most people aren’t thinking about you
When you understand this truth, you will be free. Most people are too busy thinking about their own insecurities, screw-ups, what ifs, and dramas to think deeply about your “failures.” Everyone has their own stuff, and that stuff is the most important thing to them. Try this exercise with me. When was the last time you really sat around and thought about what anyone else was doing with their life? When was the last time you thought to yourself, “man, this girl is a failure–all that money she spent training, all that hard work, and she hasn’t yet booked a job.” I am willing to bet you haven’t done that. So why do you think someone else is doing it?
If they are thinking about you, they are probably triggered
There is a small minority of people who might actually think about and judge you. But usually this means that something in you has triggered a shadow response in them–an unexpressed part of themselves that was forced to hide. If this is the case, their response has nothing to do with you. In fact, they aren’t really thinking of you in this response, and are merely projecting a trigger onto you. This is also freeing. Secondly, the fact that you could reflect a trigger to them is actually a gift. Now, if they choose, they can use this as self-reflection to work on the places they need to heal in their own life. Someone once said, “what people think of me is none of my business.” Repeat this to yourself whenever that urge comes up to care about what people are thinking of you.
This is your ego talking
Another thing to remember is that when we have these thoughts, they are actually coming from our ego. There is nothing wrong with our ego. In fact, our ego is usually just trying to protect us by projecting a false sense of self. But knowing that these thoughts are not coming from ourselves can help us take away the judgement we sometimes feel when we have them. We can relax knowing that the ego is just doing its job, and that our true selves are safe from the judgement and worry that the ego is projecting.
Ground yourself in the facts
Now that we have discovered where these thoughts come from and what they mean, we can take steps to overcome them so we don’t become paralysed by them. One way to do this is to ground ourselves in the facts. When a thought pops up like, “I’m a failure,” ask yourself if it is an absolute fact. Try to think of all the specific times in your life where you succeeded at something. And even the times you may have failed, can you see it doesn’t equate to you being a failure as a person? Can you see that failing is just part of the learning process and, in fact, if you are not failing, it means you aren’t trying?
These tools will help you navigate the inevitable feelings of doubt and failure that will come up from time to time. The important thing to remember is that practising these tools isn’t a one-off solution; they are tools to come back to repeatedly. This will build your resilience as an artist, and soon these feelings will come up less and less.
